Friday, February 17, 2017

Mast Cell Humor for Valentine's Day

In case you missed it, Valentine's Day was this past week. I am so thankful to have married a husband who is equally as uninterested in this holiday as I am. We did absolutely nothing to celebrate. And it was wonderful!

That evening, after a very, non-romantic, but no less love-filled dinner (aka, Nick ate and I had some broth), we were catching up on the new season of 24. I started texting a mast cell friend who had posted a funny "mast cell valentine" on Instagram with some of my own mast cell humor. That snowballed into some very bad (or amazing!!) mast cell jokes that are only appropriate to share with loved ones who understand the unique life that is lived with mast cell disease.

Our brilliance in coming up with these "pick-up lines" or endearing poetry or rewritten Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood songs, was too incredible to keep to ourselves. We *might* have just discovered our new career path...So consider yourselves warned! Haylee and I hope you enjoy some of our mast cell humor courtesy of Valentine's Day:

My love for you flows as freely as my GI tract during a reaction.

Flushing is red,
My lips are turning blue.
Please stab me with my epi,
So I don't leave you!

I decided to save money on buying a card, so instead I wrote a message on my skin. #dermatographia

Only you know the way to my heart...through my port and catheter.

You're more attractive than a lifetime supply of Benadryl!

All I need is you! Or at least your steady hand to stab me with epi and give me IV meds.

*Goes out to dinner* This food is to die for! No literally, my throat is swelling and I can't swallow...

The memories of you are stronger than my brain fog.

I'm crazier for you than I get during mast cell reactions!

When I think of you, my heart races like I just stood up.

Being in the same room as you takes my breath away...seriously, you must be wearing some perfume...

You make my adrenaline pump for than epinephrine.

I fall for you more than I fall from reactions.

Losing you would hurt more than losing my bowels.

Missing you like I miss my life before mast cell disease.

Your love makes me weak at the knees...or maybe that's just my neurological issues...

Life with you is as perfect as finding a temperature that is neither too hot nor too cold.

My love for you swells more than my body in anaphylaxis.

Your love is electrifying...oh wait, that's just my neuropathy.

I'd give up all my medications for one more day with you. Although without my meds I wouldn't have one more day to spend...

You make me loopier than a double dose of IV Benadryl.

You're so hot you give me a heat rash.

I love you so much I'd stay up thinking about you even if I didn't have painsomnia.

Sung to the tune of You Belong with Me by Taylor Swift:
Mast cells try to kill us, we fight back with epipens.
Flushing, rashes, hives, and more; so much for a good weekend...
Dreaming 'bout the day when we wake up and find
That mast cell disease was just a nightmare this whole time!

Sung to the tune of Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood:
I stabbed my epi into the side of my quadriceps muscle in my outer thigh.
Kept myself from needing a code blue.
You injected my meds into my central line,
I'm conscious again and we bought more time.
Maybe next time I'll think twice before I eat...

Hope your day (and love life =P) has been enriched by our incredible brilliance and potential new careers in mast cell humor greeting cards! We certainly got some good laughs out of all our texting. Yes, life with mast cell disease is often very tough and difficult. But it has also brought me friends I wouldn't have met otherwise and moments of laughing so hard I wake up the next day sore at my less than 3 week old incisions from abdominal surgery. Don't forget to find reasons to smile and laugh in every day!

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