I was thinking about the phrase, "two steps forward, one step back" but I didn't feel that it really represented how things have been going...so I wrote my own title - MANY steps back, and one TINY, ITTY BITTY inch forward!! Okay, so it's not really that bad, but it kinda paints the picture of my last couple weeks.
I got a cold/upper respiratory thing about 2 weeks ago and that set me back a bit. For a little while it was hit or miss whether my asthma was going to flare up, but I was really proactive with upping my meds and using my nebulizer so even though I felt lousy it never seemed to settle in my chest - at least I'm learning how to manage something =P
But whenever I get a cold or something like that I seem to get dehydrated...which is ENEMY #1 for me...I could tell I was starting to feel off but couldn't seem to get ahead with my drinking (WATER haha =P) and salt. AAAnnnndddd, I think that's what started the downward spiral of doom...
Whenever I get dehydrated bad things happen...it's like the point in a horror movie where the creepy music starts to play and you KNOW something bad is about to go down but you can't do anything about it and you're so into the movie that you can't turn away...same idea except I didn't pay $12 for it...
So long story short, this past week my stomach was not on my good side and I wasn't able to eat a whole lot of anything. I ate mostly corn tortillas, steamed carrots, and PB2 (powdered peanut butter, i.e. no oil). And even that didn't always sit well...
I finally got a break on Monday and was hoping things were going to turn around. I had been praying they would (OBVIOUSLY), but also because tomorrow is Thanksgiving which is one of my favorite holidays and I so want to be able to enjoy dinner with my family.
Yesterday (Tuesday) was pretty good all the way until dinner...I had eaten pretty well throughout the day which was great considering I hadn't been able to eat much the entire week before. I don't know if I over did it and ate too much on my stomach that was still probably recovering, or if something I ate triggered the reaction, but I ended up in the bathroom for a good hour with everything I ate coming out both ends...NOT fun/pretty/enjoyable/WHATEVER.
Thankfully I was able to sleep well last night and woke up today just feeling exhausted, but it was still discouraging. Especially since I had seen my allergy doctor yesterday afternoon and had a pretty good appointment and we had talked about reactions I had been having and how to manage symptoms...I had told her it had been almost a month since I had thrown up...yeah, I know, great timing =P
I had left the appointment feeling like we at least had a plan of action, but also like how-long-is-this-going-to-take-to-get-to-the-point-where-I-feel-"normal"... I was feeling a bit down leaving but my mom brought up a good point that my going through this will at least help others down the road. All the craziness I'm going through with these diagnoses and treatment options can be frustrating, but someone has to go down this road first. I'm grateful for all the people who have already walked this road...at least I have a name for what's going on even if we don't entirely know how to manage it...dayenu!
Even in the midst of everything, I don't want to forget that this life is not about me. It's about God, and trusting that He has a plan. I might not like it, I might be discouraged and frustrated, I might be in pain and sick, but it's all a reminder that this world is not my home. If I didn't have these health issues and would forget to turn to God because everything is good, then I am THANKFUL and BLESSED to have them. I never want to be comfortable in this life because then I lose sight of eternity. Not that I always keep that perspective...I was definitely not thinking "Oh, God, thank you so much for this pain and throw up" last night...
It also gives me the opportunity to be a witness to a group of people I could not have related to without knowing what they are going through. This morning I got a text from the mom of a young girl at church who is going through some of the same issues that I have. Because of my experiences, I can connect with her in a way that other people can't. God has given me a way to minister to people in a unique way, and for that I am also grateful!
I heard this song from Kutless this morning which is such a good reminder. This year will be a happy Thanksgiving regardless of how I feel or how much or little I can eat. I am at home with my family, God is still on His throne, and I am NOT defined by chronic illness, it is just a part of my life, just like everyone else who has struggles!
Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God
You are good
Forever Faithful One
Even if the healing doesn't come
There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for - Happy Thanksgiving!